I got a couple likes on a poem I wrote yesterday.
It was weird because, I have no idea how anyone saw it. I started this thing what, three days ago?
I feel like I say “thing” too much, and it has been a problem since my youth, which I also go back to an awful lot. I don’t mind going back to that time; it very much intrigues me. There are a lot of weird events that go on during one’s childhood. They’re all kind of hard to understand from a child’s perspective, and you just kind of adapt to the situation as well as you are able, which brings about certain aspects of your development as a person. That’s weird.
I also digress quite a bit. That’s also fun, though.
Anyway. I got likes and no comments, so I investigated a tiny bit. One of the blogger’s blogs was filled to brim with comments thanking them for the like, and promising one in return. So that got me thinking, right. Do people browse the newest of new posts to add success to their already fairly successful blogs? How can I know a person actually enjoyed my work? Are we basically just liking each other’s stuff to boost popularity in an artificial way so that our blog looks better when added to a resume?
Who knows. I don’t. I also don’t mind. It still made me feel good. I just had to question it afterwards. Maybe it’s really simple, finding new posts that catch your fancy, and I’m just an idiot. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time, and it damn well won’t be the last.
I remember writing for a short story contest in my early high school days, and the people who ran the contest emailed me about my story. They said they really enjoyed it, but that the ending didn’t really make sense. I rather liked the way it ended, but I wanted a thousand dollars and bragging rights. So, I changed it. Turns out I didn’t even place. I got all hyped up for nothing. All the times I was told I would end up a fantastic writer meant nothing in the face of this “real” failure.
The winning story wasn’t even that good anyway, psh.
This event kind of made me stop writing for a long time. I went to a rather small and not-so-good school, and teachers loved having a kid around who could write without spelling or grammatical errors. I think that really got to my head, and the criticism of failure stung me far more than it should have. These days I kind of assume what I write is shitty, and am surprised when someone genuinely enjoys it. I think it’s a better approach.
I think this shaped me a lot more than making me stop writing. I thought I was a writer and nothing more. I came to college with less than half of a personality, and no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I still don’t have a fully fleshed out idea. I started with Psychology, went to Sociology, then Environmental Science, Italian, and finally ended up back at English. It was a fun, expensive ride. If I had known I would only be getting an English degree, if anyone who was a mentor to me at the time had known…Well, I feel like I wouldn’t have gone to such an outrageous private university. Now I find myself one of those just waiting for the debt to come around and stay for the rest of my existence. It really is a good time. Lots of drinking.
Not lately, though. I’ve stopped drinking for the most part. I save it for weekends with my girlfriend and close friends. I sleep marginally better, and deal with the full force of the anxiety. Still a good time. Love that Dukkha dick in my ass.
That’s probably offensive. I totally respect all religions and their ways of being. Humor has always been my go-to coping mechanism. Somehow it will save me, I just know it!
Is there anywhere to go with this that will wrap it up in a nice way?
Thanks for the likes. I enjoyed them. I’ll probably join the reciprocation train. Why not? You’re a writer; you’ve probably written something I’ll find enjoyable.
I wonder if I took out my wish bone and told Obama that if I won, he had to get rid of all student debt…I wonder what he would say. Think he would take me up on it? He might be kind of grossed out, honestly. I would be. It would be a pretty solid use of my wish, though. I wonder what he would wish for if he won.
Probably like, just for everyone to shut the fuck up for a hot second.