New Haircut and Professor Oak’s Villainous Ways

I finally got my hair cut today. That was nice. I always let it get stupid-long, and it doesn’t really look like what most would refer to as “good”. I have thin hair that grows much faster in the back than it does in the front. Basically I should always have short hair. I do enjoy trying to trick myself into thinking it looks good long, because a lot of hero-types have lengthy, adventurous locks. The only difference is that theirs look totally rad.

The woman who cut my hair said her goodbyes after turning me back into an acceptable looking human being, including a witty “see you in a year” at the end. I liked it. Laughed, in fact.

That’s way too many words to dedicate to a haircut in a blog post. Moving on.

I’m working on “The Farmer” on the go. I meant to write another segment of it for this place and all of you lovely readers, but I got caught up playing Pokemon Snap with my roommate.

That game is seriously as close to off-brand as an on-brand Pokemon game could ever get. Hear me out.

You “capture” Pokemon…on film.

You fill a Poke…Report, not the Pokedex.

You throw “balls”…of fake apples and, pester gas? Whatever that is. I’m assuming it’s concentrated old man stank, courtesy of Professor Oak himself.

Professor Oak is there, with what would appear to be his real voice. Although, instead of being helpful, he’s just kind of judgmental in a passive aggressive way. You can take the greatest picture ever, and sometimes he’ll still be like “mmm…so-so. Try again!”

Also, man, for someone who thinks Pokemon are disappointed when you take photos of their backs, he sure does a.) accept a lot of pictures of their backs, and b.) love to see pictures of them in pain. Hitting Vulpix with a pester ball makes him straight up flip over onto the ground, bounce off of it, flip again, and just lay there. “800 points,” Oak says to us excitedly. “Good pose!”

You’re a sick man, Oak. A sick man who desperately needs to have his job evaluated by someone. Who is the authority in that world? A ten year old boy takes out Team Rocket, so the police clearly can’t handle anything. They Gym Leaders and Elite Four are sometimes kind of strong I suppose, but they presumably stand there to take on challengers with most of their time.

He will never be stopped…

Well, at least the rest of the Pokemon world is more or less a Utopian paradise. Except for the Pokemon. And Blue.

More actual content from me tomorrow, I promise! I can at least stave off your insatiable hunger for more work from me with a 500 word Pokemon rant with some haircut garnish, right?




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